Therapy Specializing in:

Anxiety | ADHD | Depression | Perfectionism & People Pleasing

  • About Anxiety

    We all experience anxiety sometimes, especially when we’re worried, scared, or nervous about a future event. These situations can make us feel tense or uneasy inside.

    Anxiety is sort of like an alarm system in our body that is trying to keep us safe by preparing us to react to possible dangers. When we’re anxious, we might feel our heart beating faster, an upset stomach, sweatiness, shakiness, or fatigue. These sensations are our body’s way of getting us ready to face something difficult.

    While it’s natural for us to experience some anxiety, some people feel anxiety more often or more strongly, even when no actual dangers exist. When anxiety becomes excessive or persistent, it can interfere with daily life and lead to anxiety disorders.

    Common types of anxiety disorders that I can help with include generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and health anxiety.  

How Anxiety Might Show Up

  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) usually involves a person feeling very worried or anxious most of the time, making it hard for them to relax and enjoy life. This is beyond occasionally worrying about things or feeling anxious about specific stressful life events. People with GAD can experience anxiety for months or even years. Here are some important points about GAD:

    • Excessive Worrying: A person with GAD feels excessive worry and anxiety on most days. The worries are often about many different things (e.g., work, relationships, finances, health) rather than just one specific issue.

    • Difficulty Controlling Worry: A person with GAD has trouble controlling their worrying. They might feel like their mind is constantly racing but they have trouble turning it off.   

    • Physical Symptoms: A person with GAD also feels physical symptoms that go along with the worrying. These might include restlessness or feeling “on edge”, fatigue or getting tired easily, having trouble concentrating or having a blank mind, irritability, muscle tension (e.g., sore muscles, clenched jaw, tense shoulders), or sleep disturbances (e.g., trouble falling or staying asleep, restless sleep).

    • Interferes with Daily Life: The worry and physical symptoms are a source of distress or cause impairment in work, relationships, social life, or other areas of importance.

  • Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is a feeling of intense fear or anxiety in social situations. People with social anxiety often feel very self-conscious, afraid of being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated in front of others. Here are some important points about social anxiety disorder:

    Fear of Social Situations: A person feels a persistent, excessive fear of one or more social situations. The fear is based on the thought that they will face judgment, scrutiny, or embarrassment. Examples could include meeting new people, speaking in public, eating in front of others, or being in group settings.

    Fear of Negative Evaluation: A person believes that, due to their behaviour or appearance, other people will think negatively about them.

    Anxiety Response: When a person is in, or thinks about, the feared social situation they usually experience anxiety. This can appear as physical symptoms such as sweating, fast heartbeat, nausea, or racing thoughts.

    Avoidance or Extreme Distress: A person usually avoids social situations that cause them anxiety. When then cannot avoid them, they feel intense fear or distress while in the social situation.

    Disruption to Daily Life: The fear, anxiety, or avoidance significantly interferes with the person’s daily life (e.g., work, school, relationships, social activities).

  • Panic disorder is a type of anxiety that causes people to have sudden and strong feelings of fear or panic. When someone has a panic attack, they might feel like something bad is happening, even if there is no danger around. Here are some important points about panic disorder:

    Panic Attacks: A panic attack happens quickly and can make a person feel dizzy, like their heart is racing, or they can’t breathe well. Some people even feel like they might faint or lose control.

    Fear of Future Attacks: After having a panic attack, a person might start to worry about having another one, especially in crowded areas. This can lead them to avoid those places.

    Physical Symptoms: During a panic attack, a person may experience physical feelings like sweating, shaking, or nausea.

  • Health anxiety is when someone worries a lot about their health. Sometimes, it starts because someone has had a serious illness or knows someone who has been very sick. Other times, it’s a reaction to stress or worries in life. Here are some important points about health anxiety:

    Worrying About Illness: People with health anxiety often think they are sick or might get sick. They might feel a small pain and immediately think something is very wrong, like having a serious disease.

    Checking for Problems: These individuals might check their bodies a lot for signs of illness. They may look up symptoms online or ask friends and family if they think they are sick.

    Feeling Very Scared: Even if a doctor says they are healthy, people with health anxiety might still feel scared or anxious about their health. They may worry that the doctor missed something.

    Avoiding Things: Sometimes, health anxiety can make people avoid certain activities or places because they are too scared of getting sick. For example, they might not want to go to a crowded place because they are afraid of catching an illness.

  • About ADHD

    ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) can often make it hard for people to pay attention, stay organized, or control their impulses.  People with ADHD usually need some support to strengthen executive functioning, which is the set of mental skills that helps with managing thoughts, emotions, and actions. These skills, which can be thought of as the brain’s management system, include:

    Planning and organizing: Figuring out how to do a task and setting up steps to complete it.

    Self-control: Managing impulses and emotions to stay focused on what’s important.

    Working memory: Holding and using information in your mind while doing something, like following instructions or solving a problem.

    Flexibility: Adjusting to changes or switching between tasks when needed.

    Focus: Paying attention to what matters and ignoring distractions.

    Time management: Keeping track of time and meeting deadlines.

    Problem-solving: Finding solutions when things don’t go as planned.

    As your therapist, I’ll provide coaching to help you strengthen the executive functioning skills that are preventing you from reaching your goals. I try to break these skills down into easy-to-do steps with lots of reinforcement along the way. Working on the skills listed above can often lead to positive lifestyle changes (e.g., sleep, diet, exercise, social life, etc.) that can help you to feel better. Part of our work will also focus on learning to accept your thoughts and feelings instead of fighting against them.

  • About Depression

    Depression, more than just feeling down or temporarily sad, is a sustained period of low mood that can greatly interfere with a person’s daily life. People with depression experience persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness, which can lead to significant decreases in enjoyment.  People who are depressed might lose interest in things they used to enjoy, have trouble sleeping or eating, and find it hard to concentrate or have fun. Symptoms of depression include:

    Persistent sadness or a feeling of emptiness lasting most of the day, nearly every day

    Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including hobbies, social interactions, or even food

    Sleep disturbances like insomnia or oversleeping

    Changes in appetite or weight, either eating much more or less than usual, resulting in weight gain or loss

    Fatigue or lack of energy, even with adequate rest

    Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt

    Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things

    Physical symptoms like headaches or digestive issues that don’t have a clear medical cause

    Thoughts of death or suicide in more severe cases

  • About Perfectionism and People Pleasing

    Trying to be perfect and please others are habits many of us learn when we're young to feel safe and accepted. These habits might help for a bit, but they can cause problems in the long run. Being too perfect and trying to please others can lead to feeling anxious, sad, not good enough, and being overly self-critical.

    Perfectionism is when you always try to do things perfectly, setting very high standards for yourself. While it's good to aim for excellence, being a perfectionist can make you overly hard on yourself and afraid to fail. This can make you feel constantly unhappy because you never think your achievements are good enough. Perfectionists often work too hard to meet impossible goals, leading to burnout and low self-esteem.

    People-pleasing is when you always put others' needs before your own so that they’ll like or approve of you. People who do this find it hard to say no and tend to avoid disagreements. Although it's nice to help others, always ignoring your own needs can make you feel tired, resentful, and unsatisfied. People-pleasers often struggle to set boundaries and may feel anxious if they focus on themselves.

    Some perfectionists and people-pleasers can start to feel like they’re an imposter, which only pushes them to work harder, set higher standards, and seek approval from others. They also tend to credit any success they have to luck rather than skills.

    Perfectionists who also try to please people feel extra pressure to meet high standards, aiming to impress others while craving their approval. This mix can cause stress, anxiety, and self-doubt, increasing the chances of issues like depression or anxiety developing. A mindfulness-based approach to therapy can help you learn to be kinder to yourself and develop a more balanced view of your self-worth.

    If you’re not sure if my skills and approach are a good fit for you, consider booking a 15-minute introductory call. If I’m not the right fit, I will be happy to try to connect you with someone who is.

How Perfectionism & People Pleasing Might Show Up

  • Some people who want everything perfect really hate making mistakes or not meeting their own high standards. This makes them worry a lot, even before they do anything. They think bad stuff will happen if they mess up, which makes them feel scared.

    They also keep thinking about mistakes they made before and how they could have done things better. This just makes them feel worse and keeps them worried all the time. 

    People who always try to make others happy also tend to feel nervous in social situations. They're scared of people not liking them, so they keep seeking approval from others. And when they think someone doesn't like them, it makes them feel even more anxious.

    Sometimes, to deal with all this worry, they avoid doing things that might make them mess up or upset others. But this just makes them even more scared in the long run.

    Feeling worried all the time can make their bodies feel bad too, like having tense muscles or getting headaches. And when they keep telling themselves they're not good enough, it makes them feel even more anxious.

  • Sometimes when people can't meet the standards they’ve set, they feel bad about themselves. This can make them think they're not good enough and can lead to feelings of sadness.

     

    Perfectionists often think their worth depends on how well they do things. So, when they mess up, they can tend to say mean things to themselves. This just makes them feel worse and might make them feel depressed.

     

    People who always try to make others happy instead of themselves can end up feeling lonely and sad. They forget about what they want and just focus on what others want. This can make them feel like nobody understands them, which can lead to feeling down.

     

    Sometimes, trying to be perfect or always pleasing others is a way for people to ignore their feelings or the bad things that happened to them. But this doesn't really help. Instead, it makes them feel even worse over time.

     

    Trying too hard to be perfect or make everyone happy can make people feel tired, and they might start to believe that they can't do anything right. This feeling, called burnout, is tied to depression and can make someone feel like things will never get better.

  • Trying to be perfect all the time can make people feel bad about themselves because they always think they're not good enough. And when people always try to make others happy instead of themselves, it can also make them feel not so good about who they are.

     

    Wanting to be perfect and always making others happy usually comes from wanting people to like them. They care a lot about what others think, which can make them feel good or bad about themselves depending on what others say.

     

    Because they're so worried about what others think, they can feel really scared in social situations. They might avoid doing things or saying what they really think because they're afraid of not being liked. And when they keep comparing themselves to others, they start feeling like they're not good enough. This makes them feel even worse about themselves.

  • Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder Having (ADHD) can make it tough for some folks to stay organized, plan things out, and manage time. So, they might try to be perfect to make up for these challenges.

     

    When someone with ADHD gets really focused on something, they might want it to be perfect. But sometimes, this focus on perfection can make them forget about other important things they need to do or take care of.

     

    Many people with ADHD have had a tough time in school or with friends, which can make them scared of failing. They want to show everyone they can do things right, so they try to be perfect. They might also feel like they must act a certain way to fit in with others.

     

    People with ADHD might also feel sensitive to criticism or worry a lot if someone doesn't like them. They want everyone to be happy with them, so they might do whatever it takes to avoid arguments or getting in trouble.

     

    Sometimes, trying to be perfect is a way for people with ADHD to slow down and think more carefully before doing something impulsive. Since they can have trouble figuring out what's most important to do, they might focus a lot on small details just to feel like they're getting something done right.

     

    Because ADHD can make people feel not so good about themselves, they might try hard to get approval from others to feel better.

  • Sometimes, when people go through tough experiences, like trauma, they might try to be perfect or always please others. This helps them feel like they're in control and safe, especially when bad things have happened to them before. Trauma can make someone feel like the world isn't safe or predictable anymore.

     

    Trying to be perfect and make everyone happy can be a way to deal with this uncertainty. It's like making strict rules for yourself and looking for approval from others to feel less worried. When someone feels good about themselves by meeting high standards, it can be a way to cope with feeling bad about themselves because of what happened in the past.

     

    Trauma can also make people scared of being rejected or left alone. So, they might try hard to keep everyone happy to avoid any arguments or problems. This makes them feel like they belong and are accepted.

     

    Sometimes, trauma can make people afraid of messing up; they try to be perfect to avoid feeling like they've failed. And for some, always trying to please others is a way to stay on guard for any possible threats in social situations.